The Bird-Whistle Man is dumb.

A (more or less faithful) transcription of a tale told one morning over breakfast in Matera, Italy:

This is the tale of the Bird-Whistle Man. Once upon a time, there was a bird-whistle man. The Bird-Whistle Man was called the Bird-Whistle Man because he was a man who sold bird-whistles. The Bird-Whistle Man stood on the street corner blowing one of his Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistles, making the Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle whistle, so that someone who wasn’t a bird-whistle man might hear the Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle whistling. One day the Bird-Whistle Man was approached by another man who wasn’t a bird-whistle man but heard the bird-whistle of the whistling Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle. The not bird-whistle man said to the Bird-Whistle Man, “Do you sell bird-whistles?”

The Bird-Whistle Man said to the not bird-whistle man, “I do sell bird-whistles,” said the Bird-Whistle Man, “for I am the Bird-Whistle Man.”

The not bird-whistle man said to the Bird-Whistle Man, “What makes you the Bird-Whistle Man?”

“They call me the Bird-Whistle Man,” the Bird-Whistle Man said, “because I sell bird-whistles.”

“I see,” said man who was not the Bird-Whistle Man to the man who was the Bird-Whistle Man. “Since you are the Bird-Whistle Man, so-called because you are the man who sells bird-whistles, may I purchase a Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle?”

The Bird-Whistle Man pondered about what the not bird-whistle man had asked—which was to purchase a Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle from the Bird-Whistle Man. The Bird-Whistle man decided that he, the Bird-Whistle Man, would like to sell all of his Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistles to the not bird-whistle man, in addition to the one Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle that the not bird-whistle man had asked to purchase.

“I have decided,” said the Bird-Whistle Man to the not bird-whistle man, “that I, the Bird-Whistle Man, would like to sell all of my Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistles to you, the not bird-whistle man, in addition to the one Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle that you, the not bird-whistle man, had asked to purchase.”

The not bird-whistle man was surprised at what the Bird-Whistle Man had said, which was that he, the Bird-Whistle Man, would like to sell all of his Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistles to him, the not bird-whistle man, in addition to the one Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle that the not bird-whistle man had asked to purchase. The not bird-whistle man responded to the Bird-Whistle man thusly:

“Mr. Bird-Whistle Man, why is it that you want to sell me, the not bird-whistle man, all of your Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistles in addition to the one Bird-Whistle man bird-whistle that I, the not bird-whistle man, had asked to purchase? Why, you’re the Bird-Whistle Man, Bird-Whistle Man!”

The Bird-Whistle man explained, “I would like to sell all of my Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistles to you who are not a bird-whistle man seeing as you have no bird-whistles because I want you, the not bird-whistle man, to be the Bird-Whistle Man.”

Still confused by what the Bird-Whistle man was saying, the not bird-whistle man asked yet another question to the Bird-Whistle Man about the Bird-Whistle Man and his desire to sell his Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistles. “But Bird-Whistle Man, how can I, the not bird-whistle man, be the Bird-Whistle man when you are already the Bird-Whistle Man, Bird-Whistle Man?”

“I want you, the not bird-whistle man, to purchase all of the Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistles from me, the Bird-Whistle man who sells Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistles, and become the new bird-whistle man,” the Bird-Whistle Man said to the not-bird whistle man. “Henceforth I shall not be known as the Bird-Whistle Man, for you shall be known as the New Bird-Whistle Man. As the new Bird-Whistle man, you will stand on the street corner blowing one of the Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistles, making the Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle whistle, so that someone who isn’t a bird-whistle man might hear the Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle whistling.”

The new Bird-Whistle Man could hardly contain his excitement at being named the new Bird-Whistle man. “I can hardly contain my excitement at being named the new Bird-Whistle Man!” the New Bird-whistle Man exclaimed excitedly, hardly containing his excitement at being named the new Bird-Whistle Man. But the New Bird-Whistle Man had yet another question for the man who used to be known as the Bird-Whistle Man. “But Bird-Whistle Man—“

“—Please,” the man who used to be known as the Bird-Whistle man said, interrupting the new Bird-Whistle Man, “I am no longer the Bird-Whistle Man, so do not call me Bird-Whistle Man, New Bird-Whistle Man.”

The new Bird-Whistle man was ashamed at having called the now not bird-whistle man Bird-Whistle Man. “I, the new Bird-Whistle Man, am ashamed at having called you, the now not bird-whistle man, Bird-Whistle Man.” The new Bird-Whistle man proceeded with his question for the now not bird-whistle man. “What, pray tell, will you, the now not bird-whistle man do now that you are now not the Bird-Whistle Man?”

“New Bird-Whistle Man,” the now not bird-whistle man said, “now that I am now not the Bird-Whistle Man, and you, New Bird-Whistle Man, are the new Bird-Whistle Man, I, the now not bird-whistle man, will have to find something new to do.”

So while the the new Bird-Whistle Man stood on the street corner blowing a Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistles, making the Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle whistle, so that someone who wasn’t a bird-whistle man might hear the Bird-Whistle Man bird-whistle whistling, the now not bird-whistle man saw the flinging of a Rainbow-Light-Fligher Man rainbow light-flinger having been flung by a rainbow-light-fligher man who was standing on a street corner flinging Rainbow-Light-Flinger Man rainbow-light-flingers. The now not bird-whistle man approached the rainbow light-fligher man and asked, “Do you sell rainbow-light-flingers?”

The man who was flinging Rainbow-Light-Flinger Man rainbow-light-flingers said to the now not bird-whistle man, “I do sell rainbow-light-flingers,” the rainbow-light-flinger man said, “for I am the Rainbow-Light-Flinger Man.”