44 Sea Turtles Blvd, Old Port, Bahamas
redbeard91@Rmail.com
hookedin.com/in/redbeard

SUMMARY

T’ be cap’n be many a young ocean lover’s dream — t’ sail th’ seven seas with a breeze at me back, a treasure map in me pocket, an’ a patch over me eye. Th’ life I been livin’ be well suited t’ ready me for th’ task.

SKILLS AND STRENGTHS

• Leadership (firm, yet compassionate)
• Loot-Oriented Approach (over 47k doubloons)
• Riggin’ the sails (all weather conditions)
• Knot tyin’ (anchor hitch, bowline, etc.)
• Peg-leg repair (cedar, oak)
• Microsoft Excel (intermediate)
• Beard growin’ (red)
• Personal hygiene (abysmal)

WORK EXPERIENCE

First Mate, Blue Elizabeth — 2012–Present

• Orderin’ ’round that there good-for-nothing crew o’ ours.
• Maintainin’ good tidings with ye who fly th’ black flag.
• Tabulatin’ spoils of booty collection.
• Assumin’ th’ ransackin’ an’ pillagin’ responsibilities o’ th’ cap’n when he be temporarily incapacitated — that bein’ all th’ time. (There be lots o’ rum on board.)

Sailin’ Master, Th’ Meanderin’ Privateer — 2009–2011

• Navigatin’.
• Indexin’ an’ categorizin’ charts an’ assorted navigatory doo-dads.
• Oh, and keepin’ those there maps dry. Aye, therein lie a tale….

Cabin Boy, Swift Galley — 2007–2008

• Swabbin’ th’ poop deck.
• Feedin’, carin’ for, an’ interpretin’ th’ parrot.
• Leadin’ th’ tenor section when th’ crew be singin’ ditties an’ other piratey tunes.

Greeter, Wal-Mart; St. Louis, MO — 2005–2006

• Sayin’ ahoy t’ more scalleywags than ye could fit on th’ Titanic.
• Assistin’ land lubbers in buyin’ toothpaste an’ umbrellas, or what have ye.
• Stockin’ th’ costume section for All Hallows’ Eve.

OTHER CREDENTIALS

• Education: Kindergarten, Mrs. Nelson’s class (bottom 5%)
• Languages: Pirate (fluent), Parrot (working proficiency) English (basic competence).

AWARDS AN’ DECORATIONS

• Five outstanding arrest warrants ($50,000 reward).
• Winner, cannon firin’ accuracy competition (West Indies division).
• Second place, karaoke (“Yo ho, yo ho”).